Posts Tagged ‘insomnia

15
Jan
09

sleeping

My night’s sleep has been interrupted by sleep paralysis all night.

Probably the best artistic rendering of what sleep paralysis feels like

Probably the best artistic rendering of what sleep paralysis feels like

My first memory of sleep paralysis was back in a house I shared with my ex-boyfriend, my best friend and her boyfriend. It scared the hell out of me, I remembering hallucinating a huge bug that spread over my body and wouldn’t allow me to move. Thankfully I looked up my experiences on the internet and realised that I was suffering from sleep paralysis and NOT going crazy!

I’ve had it on and off over the years but last night was the worst in a long time. I think it’s because I didn’t sleep the night before (I’d taken some co-codamol to get rid of my headache – the pharmacist wouldn’t give M Nurofen because of my asthma – although I’m fine with Ibruprofen – and I’d fallen asleep about 5pm and woken about 8pm). Anyway – I fell asleep about 10pm last night on the sofa (I’m sleeping in the living room at the moment – chest infections) and M must have gone to bed about 11pm. I heard him coughing, and then I heard and saw the bedroom door open and he walked downstairs – I tried to reach out for him and the only way I could do this was to hyper-ventilate. However, when I’d pulled myself out of this state he wasn’t there. Even though I could feel him move towards me – and I could see him move towards me. It was just awful. This same scenario happened about three or four times – each time I thought it was happening for real.

After this, I could then feel something behind me, pushing down on me. Something walking along the corridor above me. The only way I could push this away was to put the television on to drown out the sounds and to move my concentration elsewhere. Before that, every time I closed my eyes, I would be paralysed.

I now smell of sweat, I couldn’t stop sweating and feeling just awful.

Ah well. Now it’s 4:17am and I’m wide awake again. My sleep patterns are fucked. I’m working today until 8pm – we have parents’ evening. I still feel too sick to go in but I have to because it’s parents’ evening for the year group I’m a tutor for.

BLAH 😦

I must admit to feeling immensely stressed at the moment. I have a REAL desire to run away. I know that sounds a tad dramatic but I am HATING life in London right now. I despise it. I want to move somewhere quiet and peaceful, into a house with enough room for a proper studio, no distractions, no stress or noise. I need time to get my head around my life and what’s happening in it. I just want to get away. SO badly.

We want to sell the house by the summer – I need to hand my notice in at work by April. I just can’t wait to get out – I know they’ll celebrate when I’ve gone … lol.

It’s just getting another job with my sick leave record. I think I might have to live on the equity we will hopefully get from our house and work as supply. I don’t really care – I just need to get out of London. The sooner the better actually.

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13
Jan
09

New Cards – I’m REALLY pleased with these

I’ve been SO sick this weekend – I’ve got another chest infection godamnit – but it does mean I can be even MORE creative.

So there’s a new range of cards on offer on etsy – they’ve already been featured in two treasuries 🙂  They’ve printed off SO well – I really must photograph them today and add to my listings.  The colours and vibrancy are awesome – I LOVE my printer now I have it working properly.

Anyway – here are the new range of ‘Innocent Invaders’ cards – SO grateful to Mediaslap.com for the brushes.  I’m currently designing my own vector monsters so my cards can be UBER-original 🙂  :

I want a hug I think you're very special I only have eyes for you

hello hello

erm ...

You can purchase the cards (and other wonders!) here.

12
Jan
09

New Valentines ACEOs and attempts at collage!

I have some sort of infection – not sure if it’s in my chest – feels more bronchial than chest.  Not happy, not happy at all.  More time off work, more pressure, more stress.

I’ve been busy updating the free resources section of this site – which seems fairly popular with follks. Let me know what you’d like to see or if there’s anything I can do to improve the pages.

Sales are steady – I’m not covering my expenses yet but there’s time I guess. I just need to promote myself more – so I now have a Flickr for my Etsy:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fidgetrainbowtree

I’ll keep that separate from my photography Flickr which is here:

http://www.flickr/photos/the_polstar

Here are my new Valentines Day Cards (click on image below to take you to my shop on etsy):

the queen of hearts

Then I attempted some collages – I’m kind of pleased but I think I should perhaps leave the text white so you can actually see the words. They’re a bit covered up!:

We're just dolls

"my name is Kaledrina"

12
Sep
08

West Memphis Three, Into the Wild and Insomnia

Every once in a while I’m reminded of how fucking lucky I am.  After the recent developments in the WM3 case, I’ve been re-reading up about the case.  I always need to do this as I tend to do a blitz on everyone and then people quiz me about the case and I get all befuddled and confused.

I always knew that Margaret Cho was a supporter as she’d submitted some writing to a book in support of the boys – The Last Pentacle of the Sun, along with Stephen King and Clive Barker.  She also worked tirelessly to get Damien Echol’s book, Almost Home – My Life Story published.  I have both books and I highly recommend them.  I’ve even used chapters from Almost Home with my students to spark discussion and writing.

I then read up on her blog about when she met the boys – you can read it here.  It is really heartbreaking that it was written in 2004 – and we’re still no further ahead it feels. The blog is one of the most personal accounts you could read.  It brought tears to my eyes.  Again, remembering that Damien is the same age as me, and is locked up, with only a faint hope of freedom.

What saddens me most is that there are 6 victims in this crime.  Those poor 3 boys who were brutally murdered, and the 3 boys whose lives were taken by the ‘justice’ system.

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There are times when you take a stock of how you’ve been living your life. Obviously the WM3 case makes you realise how precious your freedom actually is.

We watched Into The Wild this weekend.  Although I didn’t finish watching it [to tell you the truth, it was too wanky and long for me! – I don’t suffer pompous shite well] I enjoyed most of what I saw [although I found the character quite unpalatable – I wonder if he really was like that in real life?].  And again, it makes you think about the life you live.  Why do I have all this shit?  I look around my study and it’s just FULL of stuff.  STUFF, stuff I don’t need, stuff I don’t really want, and stuff I don’t even remember acquiring.  But when I go to throw it out, I feel torn.  I’m a hoarder – I always have been. I come from a family of hoarders.  Maybe it’s growing up with very little money, it makes everything precious to you.  Nothing is ‘throw-away’, everything is important and precious.  However, the clear-out must begin at some point – when I don’t know.  But soon.

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Can’t sleep!

Going to try now though!

x




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