Archive for March, 2009

27
Mar
09

creative lull

My scanner is broken. My trial with Adobe Professional 9.0 is over, and I’m finding myself at a lull.  My big D is hassling me.  Poking away at the back of my mind.  Reminding me that it’s still there.  The meds may keep it at bay but they don’t keep it away permenantly.  It’s always there and sometimes I can ignore the fact – other times I have to acknowledge its prescence and allow it to take hold for a few days.

I’m now finishing my fourth week of unemployment.  I’m bored of my own company (be aware – boredom is not a word usually familiar to me) but I don’t want to see anyone else.  Tonight I was meant to go to a leaving do for someone I used to work with many years ago.  I don’t feel particularly perksome and I really don’t want to spend the time explaining why I left teaching and what I’m (not) doing now.

I want to wallow at the moment which is dangerous.  If I start to wallow then I fall deeper and deeper into my depression.  However I feel it’s somewhat inevitable and sometimes it’s almost pleasurable.  Don’t get me wrong, I despise my depression, however I do acknowledge that my condition is a part of me, and perhaps I need these times to see how positive the rest of my life is.

I’m missing people tremendously.  I’m not going to start naming names but some people have really upset me recently.  I’m unsure what I’ve done to mean that they consistently ignore me – but they do – and it hurts.  Especially when I asked them why and they say it’s not personal – they’re just really busy.  But then you see (ah the joys of modern living) their constant twittering and facebooking and it is just YOU who is being ignored.

Anyway – that’s all for now – this is getting too personal again.

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16
Mar
09

I need to stop procrastinating.

My procrastination is a result of my obsession with being a perfectionist apparently.  So I really must stop procrastinating and just bloody do it!

Unfortunately local postal problems means that loads of people think I’ve been crap and not sent things out – I’ve been SUPER and sent them – just that post is going missing left right and centre.  I’ve had 3 items go missing in ONE WEEK!  Hmmm … methinks my postman might be a little bit naughty!  So now I’m going to try and post everything outside of the borough.

Other than that I’m now entering my third week of unemployment – waiting now for my CRB to go through so I can start work.  It’s frustrating beyond belief knowing that I can easily get work – just that the police need to just say ‘she’s a lovely person who’s never committed a single offence in her life’ 🙂

Today then will be spent tidying up and sewing up the Obi Belt and bag I’ve been making.  Oh, as well as creating a few clay creations.

I also want to work on this … I will get there … as my best friend said this weekend, stay doing what you’re good at – you can’t do everything in the world.  I just wish I could!




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