Archive for January 15th, 2009

15
Jan
09

sleeping

My night’s sleep has been interrupted by sleep paralysis all night.

Probably the best artistic rendering of what sleep paralysis feels like

Probably the best artistic rendering of what sleep paralysis feels like

My first memory of sleep paralysis was back in a house I shared with my ex-boyfriend, my best friend and her boyfriend. It scared the hell out of me, I remembering hallucinating a huge bug that spread over my body and wouldn’t allow me to move. Thankfully I looked up my experiences on the internet and realised that I was suffering from sleep paralysis and NOT going crazy!

I’ve had it on and off over the years but last night was the worst in a long time. I think it’s because I didn’t sleep the night before (I’d taken some co-codamol to get rid of my headache – the pharmacist wouldn’t give M Nurofen because of my asthma – although I’m fine with Ibruprofen – and I’d fallen asleep about 5pm and woken about 8pm). Anyway – I fell asleep about 10pm last night on the sofa (I’m sleeping in the living room at the moment – chest infections) and M must have gone to bed about 11pm. I heard him coughing, and then I heard and saw the bedroom door open and he walked downstairs – I tried to reach out for him and the only way I could do this was to hyper-ventilate. However, when I’d pulled myself out of this state he wasn’t there. Even though I could feel him move towards me – and I could see him move towards me. It was just awful. This same scenario happened about three or four times – each time I thought it was happening for real.

After this, I could then feel something behind me, pushing down on me. Something walking along the corridor above me. The only way I could push this away was to put the television on to drown out the sounds and to move my concentration elsewhere. Before that, every time I closed my eyes, I would be paralysed.

I now smell of sweat, I couldn’t stop sweating and feeling just awful.

Ah well. Now it’s 4:17am and I’m wide awake again. My sleep patterns are fucked. I’m working today until 8pm – we have parents’ evening. I still feel too sick to go in but I have to because it’s parents’ evening for the year group I’m a tutor for.

BLAH 😦

I must admit to feeling immensely stressed at the moment. I have a REAL desire to run away. I know that sounds a tad dramatic but I am HATING life in London right now. I despise it. I want to move somewhere quiet and peaceful, into a house with enough room for a proper studio, no distractions, no stress or noise. I need time to get my head around my life and what’s happening in it. I just want to get away. SO badly.

We want to sell the house by the summer – I need to hand my notice in at work by April. I just can’t wait to get out – I know they’ll celebrate when I’ve gone … lol.

It’s just getting another job with my sick leave record. I think I might have to live on the equity we will hopefully get from our house and work as supply. I don’t really care – I just need to get out of London. The sooner the better actually.

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